How to stand out with well-placed pedantry

The particular area of the west of Scotland where I live has many wonderful things going for it. A rich history, beautiful scenery in every direction, friendly people (mostly), a pick of brilliant restaurants, bars and entertainment, and a growing number of exciting, dynamic businesses.

One thing which has long troubled me, however, is my homeland’s fairly loose relationship with grammar. To wit: “He’s went out for milk”; “We haven’t done that, haven’t we not”; “I’ve never saw that knife before, officer.”

This affliction isn’t particularly an issue of education so much as it is regional culture. You’ll see and hear many people holding university degrees committing these egregious offences against the Queen’s English. It then follows that proper and precise communication isn’t something which is held in particularly high regard.

I’m perhaps being slightly dramatic for effect, since it’s not all that common in most B2B settings to feel the screeching discomfort of a “we’ve went out and spoke to our customers”. It’s still far more common than I think it should be, of course, but you tend to find you’re dealing with people who know better, who pay attention to the detail, and who care deeply about how they present themselves and their businesses. Sloppy grammar is not as common in St Andrew Square as it might be in, say, central Lanarkshire (my gaff, before anyone gets upset).

That being the case, I often wonder why so many businesses end up with drab, derivative language across their marketing mix which does very little to present the correct brand image. Or to put in another way, communications which do nothing to appeal to customers or clients.

LinkedIn is full of memes from smug know-it-all marketers mocking clients for asking why SEO or PPC activity doesn’t immediately nail inbound marketing. Putting aside the more technical aspects of this question, one possible answer might be that sharp, considered brand positioning is an essential underpinning of any marketing plan.

I don’t think this is a case of me being a small-minded pedant either. The idea that any word will do when it comes to telling your audience why they should bother with you is an enormous missed opportunity. Businesses spend months, years and a lot of money refining what they do and then very often fall back on the same old tosh when it comes to telling customers or clients about it.

How about this: “We provide best-in-class client service enabling your business to thrive and grow.”

Or what about: “Our innovative solutions integrate seamlessly with your systems for exceptional results.”

Maybe even: “We invest in our greatest asset – our people – to provide incredible added value your organisation.”

And which businesses said this?

Well, no-one actually. I made them all up, but how many times have you read stuff like this on a website? While the language might be recognisable, it could be almost anyone. Is this really the best we expect of ourselves?

My feeling is that most business owners or leaders, under pressure to sign off brand communications, are so mindful of offending or alienating customers they opt for something so interminably bland that eliciting any kind of response is extremely unlikely.

The problem with that approach is that it’s utterly forgettable. And who the hell wants their business to be forgettable?

This isn’t just a copywriting issue, although it’s easy to mask an exceptional business with bland copy. If words are the vehicle then the brand is the drivetrain. What you don’t want is a Bugatti drivetrain hidden under a Daewoo Matiz. When was the last time you drove past the latter on the M6 and said: “Cor, look at that”?

The key to unlocking the thrilling truth about your business – and for your customers or clients, it should feel thrilling – is a confident, purposeful brand which genuinely understands its audience.

Here are a few things you can do to step up your thrill factor:

1.      Speak to your customers.

Eh? Speak to our customers, are you mad? It’s mad not to do this, actually. Your customers understand the value you provide better than anyone, probably even better than you. Listen to what they have to say and be prepared to have your own perceptions challenged.

2.      Be a parrot.

When your customers speak to you (or your helpful brand strategy chap with a shiny head and resplendent Titian beard), reflect their language and meaning in your brand. Whether you’re selling professional services or eyeshadow, your customers need to see themselves in your brand, and using their language is a bob-on way to do this. It’s also easier than making it up from nothing.

3.      But don’t be a copycat.

It vexes me terribly how quickly one person’s really good idea becomes a deluge of unimaginative plagiarism. This goes for anything from the molar-grindingly frustrating “… and relax” on EVERY SINGLE Instagram post for a solid two-year period, right through to “supercharging” people / businesses / sectors and “game-changing” innovations which aren’t actually innovations, far less game-changing. Focus instead on what’s unique about your business, and if that’s not immediately apparent then go back to step one. It’s there, but you might need to put in the work to find it. Don’t just splatter buzzwords everywhere because someone else did it.

4.      Make it simple, then make it simpler again.

While it’s clearly essential for you to be an exceptional technical expert in order to do your job properly, it’s not that helpful to go into sub-atomic detail on the homepage of your website. I promise, you’re going to lose people. This overlaps with point two above, but putting your proposition into language your customers understand doesn’t mean you’re dumbing it down – you’re making it accessible, and you’re making it easier for people to buy from you.

5.      Sound like an actual person.

Imagine you’re at a dinner party and you ask the stranger to your left what they do for a living. They reply: “My business creates exceptional connections to enable game-changing leadership innovations, unlocking true human potential.” You mutter, “Oh… that sounds interesting.” Then you have a sudden urge to visit the lavatory, from which you will never return.      

6.      Be yourself and be genuine.

There’s no point in covering your LinkedIn posts with photos of the office cockapoo and chuckling young people and tagging it #lovehybridworking #lovemyteam if you’re actually hauling everyone back into the office on zero hours contracts and timing their pee breaks. Your business and brand are ultimately one and the same thing. The idea is to amplify what makes your business great – not only will that attract the right customers, but it’ll help you to recruit the right people. If a new team member arrives expecting one thing and receives the polar opposite, they’ll leave pronto and then tell everyone what a bad experience they had.

Language matters, particularly when you’re trying to convey something as essential as the very reason your business exists at all. Regional vernacular may permit bewildering corruptions of our beautiful mother tongue; it’s best kept for when you’ve went home for the weekend, though.